Presence

Andrew_sunset_imageby Andrew McDiarmid07 Jan 2015

for Mum

You are not in the wet earth
or the hospital room
or at home or on the phone with me.
I cannot find you in the sanctuary
or the park or the classroom.
It would seem you are gone.
But when I love,
when I’m honest,
when I live what I say,
you are here.
When I save,
when I persevere,
when I parent,
you are here.
When I pray
when I work harder
than I have to
you are here.
When I buckle down
or own up,
when I persist,
when I create,
when I recommit and regroup,
you are here.
When I scrounge, and resist,
when I pay bills,
when I push through,
when I make peace,
when I worship,
when I do it anyway
and tell them like it is,
you are here.
You are not only
on some celestial shore,
cancerless and buoyant
with god-presence,
you are here.
I race on,
sweating, uneven,
weary, and laden,
but not alone.