Glorified Death

Cam00730by Beautiful Felon23 Feb 2014

everyday i question my own existence and wonder why my mom didn't just swallow.... why did I have to grow up so fucking rebellious and demand other foot steps to follow...I asked her one time why im so hard on myself she replies "if ur not who will be", I totally get what she means now im away from all that i have no one to beat on me, or break me down like i had gotten so use too so i do it as a way to show how much I miss you? I realize our biggest enemy is the demon we keep inside but how the fuck do I get rid of that when she's made death so glorified I guess everything looks better compared to a hell you create within and no matter what you try and do somehow you lose before you can begin Im sorry I cant be who you think I should be my mistake i assumed you were supposed to love me for me I mean if I cant look at myself in the mirror without so much hate that I don't know what to do tell me exactly how do i move on knowing my own flesh and blood has given up on me too... I don't see the point we both know my heads too fucking mangled and yes I've done everything to see this from every angle... fml