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an amazing way to end it

Some Type'a Grand Finale

Cam00730by Beautiful Felon19 Mar 2014

Take this as you wish- my words are forever yours to twist- you seem to enjoy the drama life so much- so I'll leave you to follow your thoughts while I slip away mesmerized by a love lost in your touch - I didn't bother to read the last email you sent cuz I told you today is just not a good day- though I appreciate the attempt you made to pour salt into my wounds.. so to say- but you asked me why not with so much false concern.. your pretending to care got easier for me to believe- for so long I viewed you a certain way now I ask you let me take only good memories as I leave- I know you well enough to remember exactly how you read my poetry- dissecting every word in the attempt to link me to part of your fucked up conspiracy- I also know how you absolutely must define- down to the exact meaning of every word in every line- every metaphor must have some hidden meaning within- I'm sure if it doesn't right away you will go over it again- but you must open up those dark eyes so you can really see- I've been wanting some type'a grand finale so why not let this be the one that releases me?- I had the inspiration I needed to write something that someone once called beautiful- It was straight from my heart which was different because I usually write from the depths of my soul-
when 'they' silently whispered these words in my ear stating the truth is nothing but pain- it only took a minuet for me to realize that from this life I have nothing to gain- and then somewhere in the midst of all your crazy rants and bullshit- you said some pretty hurtful things I'll be the first one to admit- but I will remain calm and collected well as collected as one can be- trying hard to focus while slipping in and out of some type'a grand finale- "I have seen the way this ends already"- those were your words while I insisted we plan a different strategy- It went from me feeling your pain just by looking into your eyes- to us being miles apart and feeling the pain in you inside myself begin to arise- Never seemed to fail after I finished wiping my tears from my face- I'd hit you up to check if you were ok and just like me you too were in a dark place- I now see this life in 2 different sights- this newly found sober view and the one 'they' never seemed to like- but I never liked 'them' so who the fuck are 'they' to judge me- let's watch as 'they' hold their score cards up high as 'they' judge my grand finale-
I was never able to rag on myself for not being the mother that my children needed this whole time- I would start to feel the pain begin then I would get high and within minuets I'd be fine- day in and day out numbing myself as much as I could- I wanted to erase my entire past more than any of you guys understood- A small town girl who was brought up in a household full of hate- now staring her own demon straight in his eyes knowing completely that this is her fate- already said my goodbye's to the very few people who were actually decent to me- saved my poetic farewell for my favourite old boss man... some type'a grand finale- I wont leave this life angry I would rather be numb and fake happy because its going to happen in a flash- so before I started this letter after I departed mentally from all others I moved what you sent me straight to the trash- I would rather you read my final words from this once again cold black heart that seems to be beating fast- sitting and waiting patiently as my end seems to be approaching at last- You would always say how proud you were of my writing so please take this as you wish- I leave my inspiration with my only passion.. my words are forever yours to twist.... Until we meet again....