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What does 'love' do to you?

It takes more than a note...

Imageby Tessabelle14 Apr 2014

I wrote this note to tell you how sick I feel for forcing us in to another dire situation. I'm panicking, shaking. I don't want the kiss goodbye to be the last kiss that ever graces my lips, a lingering hope of happiness passed. I long to be loved like you have, like you do. So Frightened of a fall that I push it out, I challenge it to come at me with instantaneous regret. My heart in my throat, lungs grabbing for air. My brain thrashes against its cell, incarcerated.

I just wanted you to know everything, my strengths become my weaknesses, I collapse under a blanket of fear encasing my empty corpse. I lie alone, inhaling your scent. The laying of your head, the dispersal of you in my surroundings. I feel close to you now. My panic ceases. I... Breathe...

I plea with hope to the point of desperation, treading the fine line between love and loss. It's ugly feeling fills my head again. Following what feels right is ridiculous when you question your own existence. What is right? Is love? Love hurts... But it encapsulates me. I long for his love. I want it to take over every fibre of my being. I want it's thrills and exhaustions, it's trials and tribulations. It's testing nature, the force of attraction and deduction.

The ignorance of him fuels me, pushes me to try for his attention, it pulsates through to my fingertips, mindless tapping, subconsciously waining. 

This is all new. This is a love I have never had before. I want it. It's loyalty, trusting touches, plush kisses on blushing lips, the delicacy of his hands on my waist. His deft fingers clasping my hand. He is proud. Was proud. I don't know now. Being me has it's consequences. I'm fiercely persistent, I want answers yesterday before I've finished asking questions even but irony falls like a lead weight. I can't return what I want.

Consideration is not my strong point. I'm all for me. I want to be all for him. I want him to take me, as I am, for what I am. He does. Without question. I'm the one with the perturbing attitude to life.