This is a lyrical poem that's been waiting to get out for awhile. I don't know if my demon's are real or if they are constructs of my imagination filling a void in my life. I don't know if the dysphoria I am feeling is my imagination and I have a hard time focusing and figuring out what it is I'm hiding from and it's frustrating. So getting this poem down is a great relief to me.
Walls
by Devin Mitchell Durbin16 Aug 2013
I build these walls to hide
Just the way my eyes turn red
And my blood pools just beneath the skin
My veins pulse like a raging river
Foaming in the flood.
I build these walls to hide the way
My mind turns this good life sour
Because its all in my head.
The way I feel the way I scream
The way I look in the mirror the way I sing.
It all seems fiction to me.
The way I see, the way I bleed.
The way I run, the way I leave
It all seems like fiction to me.
Yet I can't recognize reality
I build these walls to hide
These hidden scars
The ones that burn behind closed lips.
And the way my heart throbs
With each pittied kiss.
I build these walls
To tear them down
And beg for everyone's attention.
Because I think it's all in my head.
And I'm not sure what is real
And what is just a construct of my hate.
I can't feel the truth, if I'm so confused
About who I am.
And you swear to god that if I pray
I'll feel better off someday
But I can't believe in anything
If I can't even believe in my self.
I swear its all in my head.
The way I feel the way I scream
The way I look in the mirror the way I sing.
It all seems fiction to me.
The way I see, the way I bleed.
The way I run, the way I leave
It all seems like fiction to me.
Yet I can't recognize reality
I don't know who I am
Or who I want to be
And all I can do is scream
But I don't know if anyone
Should believe me.