It’s always in September
When my guilt begins to rise again,
And I contemplate where my life has gone.
Note, I've come far enough
To know my life has been more right
Though, as I admit my alcoholism,
And the fact that I’m only inches away
From a drink, and a step, and a drop…
Oh, look! I am in hell.
I’m looking myself in the face.
Fourteen year old me, screaming,
“Where did I go wrong?”
You started believing in science, utopia,
You dreamed and reached for the stars,
But it was not enough.
Then you met her, an anchor,
You fell in love, and lost your way –
The break up killed your heart,
And you made bad friends,
And you lost faith,
And realize you were building up to this.
And you created a fiction,
You denounced a god,
Because faith is for those without hope
Who wish to see it.
I could swear up and down
That I would figure it out.
To the stars, through the skies.
I’d be up on top over and out,
But to look me in the eye…
You see the truth, I lied to myself.
Thought I could do it without you.
You made it out finally, that world is behind you.
Though there are a thousand ghosts more
Than the one that I've dwelt on, known as a girl.
There are plenty more ghosts that live in your heart.
It’s progress, and you've made it without a drink
For at least two weeks, maybe more,
But the addictions still there, and you know you want more.
It’s easy to get, and the other addictions,
The parts of you that you despise, still want you.
And I wish I could tell you
But the fight has just begun.