Surviving or Selfishness

10600587_10204764587811044_3323353174422219428_nby Devin Mitchell Durbin02 Sep 2013

It’s hard to admit a sickness,
When you don’t know if you believe
In the cure.
You see so many people healing,
But deep down you think they’re blind.
Is this your pride speaking?
You can see it in their eyes.
They see further than you’ve ever seen,
But still you think they’re blind.

Vicious cycles twisting you
In addictions hold.
Not just to drugs and alcohol
But to have control.
You believe in science,
And reaching for the stars.
To colonize and save mankind
To do what they call
“Playing God.”

You go to church,
Because you know
That it’s a start to healing.
Though optimism is needed
For a cure,
And you don’t want to be the one
To infect those in recovery.

You hear the word
Having a hard time believing
The things that they are saying.
“The story isn’t true,”
Your teacher said,
“But the truth is in the story.”
You can relate these things
To how your life has been.
Though you still can’t
Give yourself away.

It’s your choice
To go one way or the other;
Though you’re stuck in the middle
Not wanting to be an addict,
But not wanting to be a follower.
Yet you still have chose your master.

You make choices many times,
Based on what others want from you.
You fear ostracizing yourself from your family,
By choosing to save yourself.
You don’t want to be that son,
That runs off and leaves
And never comes back.
Though is it being selfish,
If you refuse to put yourself
Back in situations
That will surely end in death?

So do you tell the truth
And admit all of your troubles.
Admit that you’ve been hurting?
To tell them that you’ve been drowning
And you could barely breathe.
Though it still is suffocating,
Not knowing how you feel
As god’s wage war inside of you
Waiting to get out.