Decisions: What did you Do?

10600587_10204764587811044_3323353174422219428_nby Devin Mitchell Durbin10 Sep 2013

Make your own decisions, they said to you.
Do what you want to do, do what you need to do.
First of all trust us and think only of us.
You owe us so much, they don’t say but you think they do.
You owe them so much, they don’t say, but you know you do.
Take back the bad you’ve done, and all the good you’ve not;
Start from the beginning, and look on back.
There was more to your hurt,
Than that one heart attack –
It’s not always the girl, but the way you were raised
Not even the way you were raised, but the circumstances
That changed the choices, and caused the mistakes
And the broken divorces, that left you defenseless
So full of anger at them and yourself,
You can forgive them, but never yourself
Because you look in the mirror and the choices were yours
To run, and to hide, to say your goodbyes.
You keep your mouth shut, when you need to open up
And let them know how you feel,
That you’ve been drowning for near to two years,
Maybe even more, but it finally caught up with you
Lost all your morals, started drinking and toking,
What the hell were you smoking, the joke is a joke
But It makes the point, that I’m trying to make to you
Boy look what you did to the life that you lead
You can’t even speak to your closest of kin,
And the ones who care about you;
Because you’re afraid for no reason
Like that they will look at you with fear and disdain
And say, “You aren’t no son of mine,
So get with the times, and vamoose. Scoot.”
You know you are loved, you know that they care
You see it in how they always are there,
Even when you screw up, and your head gets loose
Even when you say those stupid things that you do
To get out of the room, and to get out of the way,
But you know that it’s true that if you had stayed
Maybe you’d have jumped, or even had drowned
The voices in your head are waiting to get out,
Because they know that you’re weak.
You let them become strong,
Your demons have been there for way too long.
You’ve hated your own skin, and the life you were assigned
Even though you wanted to be a father,
You’re confused all the time, because the messages sent
By those around you, make you jealous of something
You swore was yours, and your faith was shot
By seeing things darkly, and you see a light
But can’t reach out to it, already your putting off
Seeking so quickly, you’ve barely started
And you’re putting it off
For pleasure, for profit, for games, for nothing.
You can’t wrap your head around it,
So you don’t even want to,
That little boy who believed
He’s been chained deep within you.
You’re a scared little creature
Who doesn’t know who he is,
I promise you this you’ve got to let it all out,
Because the demons inside will come out in the night
And take you and break you and cut with a knife
And remove all the pieces that make you, you
And you’ll wake up in the morning thinking
“What did you do?”