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This poem continues a theme of mine, discussing thought, memory, and the words that one doesn't say. It's provocative in the way it portrays these ideas in a way that is down to Earth and straight forward. This is one of my most recent poems. Written July 2nd 2013.

The List

10600587_10204764587811044_3323353174422219428_nby Devin Mitchell Durbin23 Jul 2013

There is a list of things that I’ll never say,
Tucked away,
Far away. Where no one will ever see
The parts of me, I hid from all of you.

The list is long. A hundred songs
Couldn't even begin to explain what’s been wrong.
I've written a hundred verses
Secretly hoping for someone to sing along.
I've secretly ridden a hundred hearses
To see who would come to my visitation.

The secret lives that I have lived, and I have died,
Could fill the bookshelves of every school.
The worlds I've seen, and the things I've dreamed,
Could keep Hollywood afloat for a generation.
The promises I have broken, and the lies I’ve told
Could send me to hell and back a couple of times.

There is a list of things that I’ll never do,
Because I’m too scared to try.
There’s a million places I want to go,
But I’m too afraid to fly.
There’s quite a few things that I want to be;
But no matter what there'd be someone
Who wouldn't go along with me.

There have been too many nights
Where I’ve wanted to cry.
There have been too many nights,
Where I’ve wanted to die.
I’ve spent too many days dreaming,
And haven’t spent my life living.
So many regrets, but my life ain’t over yet;
But I feel the end has already begun.

I could write a book of all my feelings,
And put them on a shelf;
I fear no one would read them;
And I wouldn’t blame them if they refused.
I’ve tried too hard to be seen,
I’ve never tried to listen.

I seem to seek attention,
The good and the bad.
I try to drink away my feelings,
And all it’s done is twisted me.

There’s a list of things I hate about me,
There’s a list of reasons why they’re true,
And a list of reasons why they’re false.
They parallel each other, and come back to the start.
Because there is a list of things I’ll never say.