Read introduction

This poem truly is an epic. It spans a good deal of my thoughts over the last three years. The themes and images that bounce back and forth throughout my life. The metaphor of the ship and the sinking every bit of the lies and truths that I've told myself and others. It is the culmination of everything. This poem is like my "recovery" like the Eminem's. Its a bouncing board. Re Inspiring me to work and to write. As well as re-evaluating what is wrong with me.

A Journey Through the Sea

10600587_10204764587811044_3323353174422219428_nby Devin Mitchell Durbin23 Jul 2013

I don’t want to write another song.
I may be bitter but my heart is in one piece
Except for the part that I lost to you.
I’ve got to focus on what I got
And not on what I don’t have,
Because as much as it hurts
I stole a piece of you before you left too.
So enjoy mine while I twist this piece
To fit into the hole that we made in my heart.

I hope to the stars and back
That I don’t have a heart attack.
I may be broken but I’m still in control.
Got to get back up on my feet,
And sing a chorus, and write the verse
Living life and moving past what hurts.

I don’t know how you feel.
It’s been months and I’ve been wondering,
Do I still love enough to care?
Is that my problem or my strength,
A lie that I create?
I can see in my reflection
The indention of our last kiss.
It radiates a pale light
Reminding me that in the end
I’m not alright.
Not yet anyway.

And so I’m sure as hell
Have been unprepared. I fell
So hard, for too long.
I’ve relied on you so much.
We were a ship at sea
You were the captain
And I was the first mate
And when our hearts made like
Sinking ships I started drowning.
I had forgotten how to swim on my own.

Listen to the verse,
And it may remind you what was worse.
I’m reminded of my hesitations
Of the lies I told to you and myself.
I remember as the alcohol coursed
Through my veins,
And I lost myself to something
That I did not understand.
I kept drowning, and I could not rise up
Above the surface of this despair.

I didn’t want this to be all about me,
But I’m selfish and uncaring
When I get like this. I wonder why
I ever forgot how to fly.
Sometimes we make choices,
And I wanted to drown.
We’re comfortable in misery
Because it’s something we understand.
I hope to the stars and back again
That you never fall as far as I.

My life is an odyssey
My heart is the vessel,
And my pen is my sword.
I’m fighting demons
And healing scars.
I’m writing down notes
Of my journey.
Hoping that
Someday
Somewhere
I help someone to
Be more prepared.
Just hold on to your heart.
And open your ears,
Be observant, don’t sit by
And let your and their dreams
Die.

You can and will be happy
With someone else,
It may not be all about
A man or a woman.
You will find a special place,
And I have to fight for that
And I hope to the stars and back again
That you are doing better.
Because as far as we’ve drifted
I still care.

I tried to forget you
But you were always there.
I don’t get upset anymore
I don’t’ pull out my hair.
I’ll see you out of the corner of my eye,
But refrain from saying hi,
Because I’m afraid to say goodbye
Another second time.
And it’s crazy thinking
Of how far I let this go
But I won’t bring down the walls again,
Because I’ve done enough damage as it is.

Back to what hurts the worst
It’s the verse that pulls in the hearse.
A violent rhythm that reminds you of pain
You see the procession,
A funeral gets em.
I know someday that you and I will die.
I may end up living with regret
But I’ll never regret having known you.

You still pull symphonies from me
The girl that got away,
But a bird has got to fly
And that’s okay,
Because I was a cage
And you were too.
It was not a matter of love or hate
We grew apart, it was too late.

The facts may be eschewed
If they are then this is the last time I’ll say sorry.
If you rise up and shout
“It all is a lie”
I won’t fight you.
I lost my mind
I don’t even remember
Our last true conversation.

It took a year from the end
For me to put myself back together.
And if this isn’t evidence enough,
Then fuck getting better.
I’m writing an epic,
I’m crossing the lines
These stanzas, the t’s
And the dotted I’s.
My words have returned
And fire burns something fierce.
This fire is mine
I should have nothing to fear.

Who am I writing this for?
I don’t know
I don’t care
Please don’t take that the wrong way.
I just know you may not take this seriously
So take it or leave it I won’t apologize
Because I said sorry enough to last a thousand lives.
There are places for it and I’ll take
Silence before filling a hole with sorry as the lie.

So if you ignore this piece.
Then it was for me, and
It’s the line that holds my
Heart together.
If this somehow helps you
Then that is fine too.
Do what you will with
All this information.
It’s all I have left to give
I’m a friend till the very end,
But I know it won’t work
So I refrain from closing the gap,
Because it is not about what I want.
It’s about what we may need,
And I don’t know a damn thing
When it comes to someone else.
Honestly you knew me better than myself.
So here’s the key, I pushed it under the door.
Open it or close it
I’ll support the choice.
Toss it in the river for all I will care.
Just take this last reminder and remember.
Happiness is not a destination on the map
So don’t try to meet me there.