Keyboard Confessional

10600587_10204764587811044_3323353174422219428_nby Devin Mitchell Durbin06 Feb 2014

I find myself hanging around the computer
like a Catholic at confessional.
I find myself bowing my head
and telling the world of everything
that I've done wrong that day
and begging for forgiveness.

I find myself screaming at the future
and acting like it makes a difference.
I find myself acting out
and doing all the things
I said I wouldn't,
but went ahead and did anyway.

I find myself calculating the cost
of breaking everything I own.
I find myself thinking about you
and what it would take
to finally be free of feeling anything
but the cost becomes too high.

I find myself hanging around the computer
like a cancer patient, patiently waiting for a cure.
Except I'm more like a cold patient,
waiting for a pill,
when all I really need is patience
and maybe a little faith.

I find myself running out of options,
and staring death in the face.
I find myself begging for forgiveness
but all I know are lies
that I've spoken so many times
even truth is becoming false.