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This poem was born of a midnight inspiration, as I realized how far I had come from "A Journey through the Sea" and that in reality, this was a poem that I needed to address, and it is the first time that I have publicly admitted under my own name that I am a Cross Dresser, and that it is a struggle that has affected the way I view people, my interactions with people, and my relationship with God. It's a poem that is artistically more interesting than other poems I have written, and it defnitely has a much better flow than the its previous, for it is God inspired rather than inspired out of self-pity, and the god of self. This is my testimony that even though I am struggling daily, and that I am imperfect, and that I am a sinner that God loves me, and he loves everyone.

A Journey to Acceptance

10600587_10204764587811044_3323353174422219428_nby Devin Mitchell Durbin24 Feb 2014

I don't want to write another self defeating poem.
I've written thousands. Probably enough to fill a mobile home.
I always said I'd try,
but it was just a great big lie.

The words that came from my mouth
always just fell flat.
Am I an optimist now?
No, I'm still of this world
but I'm trying to fight my way out of it.

I took a journey through the sea
threw an anchor into the ocean
and made a woman into a God
and my porn addiction, alcohol affliction
the son and the holy spirit.

I dwelt too much on what I wanted
rather than looking for Jesus.
I spent my money on some weed and boozes
instead of putting it away for college.
I've got no money, got plenty of cravings
but the one true craving sat at the back of the shelf.

I don't rhyme, I spit feelings
my emotions come out a screaming,
no matter where I'm going
always thinking that I'm dying.
I didn't have faith in me, God, or my family
just in the messed up thoughts
that continued controlling me.

God, I know you're listening
or I wouldn't have wrote this letter
in hopes that the whole world would get better,
but when one discovers faith, even when he's failing at it
he can't help but become a pessimistic optimist.
I mean that's right
you're still helping me fix up this man
just like a father teaches a son
to fix his mamma's van.
I'm doing what I can
and you are doing what you do
turning barren soil
into land that produces fruit.

I have always had grand plans
to become a rock star, or a millionaire
but I always used to hate you,
because I was a cross-dresser without a car.
That's the glory of the truth
because when we can see you for who you are
we no longer have to go wishing upon a star.
Because as long as we follow your word
and do as we have heard
there is a happiness in being an honest heart that serves.

I know that I am young
and I am prone to messing up
but I know that in your kingdom
your love will be enough.

Because here are all your people
hurting, beaten, bruised
and you still choose to love us
even if we've used.
There is only one policy to enter into Heaven
it's to accept that love
and to spread that love from sea to shining sea
for the one who is above us
but died like one of us.