by Devin Mitchell Durbin02 Jun 2014
I woke up this morning.
I was worried about waking up in the morning.
I thought that maybe something would happen
and it wouldn't be the morning.
I'm not getting enough hours at work,
money is tight
and I just can't seem to focus
on what in life is right
the most important.
It's frustrasting, infuriating,
it makes me want to cry some nights.
I feel the tightening in my chest
as I wait for a text message
after sending a reply to a message that said
"We need to talk."
Maybe I should just walk,
but what if it starts raining?
My phone would get ruined
and then I wouldn't be able to talk
to the people that I like.
Do they like me?
I don't know, I mean.
Most days I don't like me.
I guess that means nobody likes
My friends are like brick houses
with firm foundations.
You can see it in their smiling faces.
The way they walk,
they stand so tall.
I'm like a house made out of sticks.
I'm just waiting for the big bad wolf
to come and blow down my house
and leave me homeless.
I don't think they understand
It's not easy to stay calm for me.
Everything feels like a threat
and sometimes I lash out.
I don't mean to be mean.
I don't mean to be lonely all the time,
but it's easier to live in isolation
when every thought I have
makes me worried, and I don't talk anyway.
Nothing real, just imaginary
at least that's what they tell me.
I don't know how to fight,
someday's it stays away
and I don't mind it.
Except, it's always there
nagging at the back of my brain.
It keeps coming, and coming, and coming.
I wish I didn't have to explain.
It makes me anxious just thinking about it.