Read introduction

Unfortunately, this is a blow by blow accurate reflection on one of the recurring dreams I still have.
Work is ongoing to "rescript" this and that healing is going well.

A few weeks ago, the dream ended differently for the first time. Where there's life, there's hope!

One of the dreams that haunts me

Evil-minionby Ethel Twigg20 Apr 2015

How do you explain
that a dream can be so bad
and that the thing you crave so much
is sleep without that?

One of the dreams that haunts me
the sly face
of one of the my captors
putting a gun to the back of my head
as they so often did
while I was their guest

Him pulling the trigger
my face disintegrating
the last thing I see
parts of my head
splattered on the floor
in front of me

I never begged, never pleaded
I found out who I really was
a fuck you kernel
that fierce fire of defiance
inside me
that I am so proud of now
only relenting long enough
for me to ask
chin held high
in a calm, clear voice
from a bleeding face
and desperately broken body
"Please make it quick"

I didn't want to lie there
dying by inches in agony
for their fun
and hoped
that even among these cowards
there would be honour enough
to let me die quickly
small relief one might think
but they had already had their fun
breaking parts of me to see my reaction
and laughing all the while
so much fun for them

Though that kill shot never came
and I got away
my brain decided to treat me
to these nightly reminders
of how I became
another casualty