The first poem I have ever written. :) It is about me reflecting on the first boy I ever truly loved. Whether it was love or just teenage infatuation, I do not know. But what I felt was strong, intense, and wrecked me over and over again. I met him on an overseas school exchange program to Taiwan, we went out with friends several times, we had some amazing moments together, he was so sweet and (to me) everything I ever wanted.
I took the leap, I started a conversation, I tried to get to know him better, but I failed spectacularly. I made a fool of myself. I left him hanging, because I was too afraid of letting it hurt me any further.
It took me a full two months before I finally accepted that it would never happen, and I cried like I had never cried before. It felt like it destroyed me emotionally, and left me confused and disoriented for a while. I was disillusioned with love, I swore never to fall easily in love again.
Over the next many months, I saw him in school occasionally, we said hi occasionally (each time it brought new feelings), and every time I thought I was truly over him, some recollection or something he did would bring me back to square one.
I found myself repeating this so many times (so many times!) over the months that I grew so sick and tired of it. I tried to move on, but failed so many times, and each time I failed, I berated myself for allowing the pain back in, which made the memories more unbearable.
This poem is me finally having the courage and determination to let go; to let go of the feelings I had been holding on to for so long, to let go of him.
I hope you enjoy :)