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The first poem I have ever written. :) It is about me reflecting on the first boy I ever truly loved. Whether it was love or just teenage infatuation, I do not know. But what I felt was strong, intense, and wrecked me over and over again. I met him on an overseas school exchange program to Taiwan, we went out with friends several times, we had some amazing moments together, he was so sweet and (to me) everything I ever wanted.

I took the leap, I started a conversation, I tried to get to know him better, but I failed spectacularly. I made a fool of myself. I left him hanging, because I was too afraid of letting it hurt me any further.

It took me a full two months before I finally accepted that it would never happen, and I cried like I had never cried before. It felt like it destroyed me emotionally, and left me confused and disoriented for a while. I was disillusioned with love, I swore never to fall easily in love again.

Over the next many months, I saw him in school occasionally, we said hi occasionally (each time it brought new feelings), and every time I thought I was truly over him, some recollection or something he did would bring me back to square one.

I found myself repeating this so many times (so many times!) over the months that I grew so sick and tired of it. I tried to move on, but failed so many times, and each time I failed, I berated myself for allowing the pain back in, which made the memories more unbearable.

This poem is me finally having the courage and determination to let go; to let go of the feelings I had been holding on to for so long, to let go of him.

I hope you enjoy :)

Let Go

Pz-avatarby Lerizsoupe08 Oct 2016

I am someone who believes
That destiny has a hand
In shaping who we are.
It has the power
To alter lives forever.

It was a miracle that we ever met.
I am thankful that I had the chance
To have my life changed,
If only for a few
Dizzying,
Disorienting moments,
By you.

You were my first heartbreak.
The first time I ever dared
To step out into the open
Not knowing what's about to happen
All defenses down, just
Waiting to get hurt.

And I did.
You were the shrapnels of colored glass
That I used to pierce into my heart
Over and over again,
While I tried to staunch the dripping blood
With the shimmering beauty of the glass.

A rock,
Once thrown into the ocean,
Creates ripples which tremble
With the simple fact of its existence
And the ocean
Is never the same again.

Why was I so confused?
Your actions built my hopes up so high
Till they teetered on the precipice,
The shaky foundation offering no support,
Threatening to collapse
At any
Moment.

Perhaps you were as unsure
As I was afraid.
We're alike, the two of us.
Each trying to discover ourselves
In this world
That sometimes destroys us.

I have learned
That if the pieces don't fit,
No amount of wrangling
Will ever force them where they don't belong.
So I will open my eyes,
Unlatch my heart,
And inhale

The fresh air, full
Of the unexplored.