Zoo_avatarby Lipe Lea28 Jul 2014

Hoard whatever that was salvaged
From the wreckage,
Hug the debris close to me
To console my acquiescence of your absence
It’s a disgusting habit
To hoard what’s gone
It feels so wrong
To think of yesterday’s dusk
During today’s dawn,

I’m guilty of;
Existing in the present
Living in the past,
And rationing that
Which was never meant to last,
Searching for
The infinite in the finite
Trying to extend a dead life line
Like a child too scared
To turn off his night light

If-onlys and what-ifs
Become my scarecrows
Guardians of a barren land
Where no new memories grow,
Stow them in a place
That my eyes won’t give away,
Somewhere in my hemispheres
They serve as both a shrine and a grave,

They’re an effigy to burn
To shred, to torch, to curse,
Coz that’s just my selfish way
Of expressing how much I hurt
But part of that anger and frustration
Is misdirected,
I know I’m to blame too
I just don’t want to take the credit,
So I transfer my own down falls
To your shoulders
And make you the sole architect
Of what is now over
I feel as though I need a surgeon
Some blood and a donor -
‘Cause the angrier I get,
The more my heart grows colder...

You’re long gone but your shadow remains,
I replay the conversations we used to have
With your shadow in your place
Cast by the embers
From a fire we agreed to douse,
Slowly it burns brighter
Instead of burning out
I silently stoked it when you left
In case you wanted to resume
The levity of your absence
Says you want to discontinue,
And I wish you gave a simple no
To end what we had before,
But there’s nothing solid for me to touch
And I guess that hurts more…

I’m just too selfish to set it free
And let it be,
Hoard a memory to
Keep me company indefinitely,
I live with this blasphemy
That brings me this shallow sense of peace,
By unabashedly choosing to
Permeate the temporary…

Embalm these thoughts of you
To keep alive what’s dead
I don’t want to let your
Memory rest just yet,
I think I’ve crossed the line
Between caring and being obsessed
‘Cause I took you from my heart
And now keep you forever inside my head.