I want them back

09by LaDonna Marie20 Aug 2014

I want them back
Laughter, pigtails and Lollipops
Bedtime stories and kisses on the forehead for comfort
I want them back
Sunday dinners and packed lunch bags for school
And sleep overs
I want long discussions for hours about girlie things
With sniggles and giggles
And family movie nights
I want them back
I want those memories
Although I've searched hard in the frontal and occipital lobe of my brain
Finally finding they don't exist
So inside my mental
Is no great memories
Yet deliverance from the sadness and depression
That Back then I suppressed
All that could have been good memories were momentary and easily forgotten
I always wanted days when I could smile
so my cheeks would hurt from being extra jolly and from cheesing
Then it would make it harder for instant gratification to be obtained
So I want them back but they don't exist
Meaning they are neither far or in between
And the hurtful thing is I had to learn to live like this
Distorted views developed in my childhood
While making me stronger every year I continued to press
So I realized I don't necessarily
want them back
Maybe a chance to relive my childhood
Showing I would react differently
To all the accusations
And mental agony from all angles
From treacherous thoughts implanted that
I never would make it.
Deep breath but I did.
Thought those situations would've took me out
But God said not yet my child.
I want them back only if
I could go back and live
In return pour out these lessons that I have now learned on
How to be and find happiness
Even if my surrounding shows me it doesn't exist
Then I would create it

(c) 2014 LaDonna Marie