I am sorry

Faf7f4e0e6402acc51d6cf87f8e01296by Lou Barnicol30 Jun 2014

I am sorry
My fists are clenched and my breath is heavy
I write because I cannot talk yet
Or else I would scream

I am sorry
We’re just like two bulls storming in the arena
And I have to hit you to keep myself from bleeding

I am sorry
I can read your story in the sadness of eyes
And the scars on your face
But still I hit, and I hit until you fall

I am sorry
Your hurt is inextricably linked to mine
The needles sinking deep into our skin
I wish I could take care of you and love you
But you keep pushing me away
And if I’m being honest
Sometimes I just don’t care

I am sorry
I see you die a little more each day
Your bottle of hope each night a little more empty
Your soul so dry it cannot sing no more

I am sorry
That I cannot save you and make you see the colours again
That I cannot make you smile

I am sorry
I don’t know how we got here
We’re lost in the space between us two
Falling off our dreams
And I don’t have the strength to carry you anymore

I am sorry
We have turned each other into monsters
And we have lost the antidote to our poison

I am sorry
For loving you
For killing us
For not having the strength to leave you.