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To the 15th women I ever loved.

Delusion

Learning_to_fly_portraitby Michael J. Sielaff08 Oct 2013

I had a dream about her.
I had found the hidden key and broke into her apartment.
Thinking I was romantic,
I prepared her living room for an intimate evening for two.
Then I realized- she might not think this is cute...
I quickly tried to put the rose peddles away
And blew out the candles-
Knowing this was a huge mistake.
I need to leave before she arriv-
Too late.
Her key was in the door, turning.
I had no where to go.
She froze in the doorway.
Scared and helpless I looked into her panicked eyes.
Angry yet sympathetic, she asks the obvious:
"What are you doing here?"
“I can- I can explain- please don't call the police.”
"No. You need help."
She calmly dials 911 knowing I'm paralyzed.
Extreme for [just] a friend-
But necessary.
I crossed the line.
In my last attempt to show her how much I love her,
I had driven her away. For good.
Maybe if I just waited until she called
There still would be a chance for her to come around,
For her to love me...
I awoke before my alarm did.
Numb, I close my eyes again to try for a happy ending-
I want her to say what she's thinking for once.
To pour her heart out before the police get there
So I can plan my awake life accordingly.
I close my eyes tighter.
Doesn't work.
I couldn't get back into the scene without making it up.
And now I'll never know the most important part:
Why she never returned
My texts, phone calls, Facebook messages.
Why she encouraged me love her through
Touch, laughter, and personal stories.
Why she rejected me.
The dream shook my heart awake from fantastical slumber.
Because if we were ever going to happen,
It shouldn't be this hard.
Wake up.