Portable Hell.

Dsc02480by Michelle Seyner01 Nov 2019

I have this portable hell
that would fit into my pocket
if it hadn't taken up
permanent residence
inside my skull.
It's a minefield going off
at irregular intervals
without me being able
to decipher a singular cause.
It's my startle response
being so violently loud
it feels as if I can
die twice
in one minute:
once of fright,
and once of shame.
It's a background program
I haven't figured out
how to hack yet.
It's forgetting how to breathe
on days I want to live
and remembering how to breathe
on days I want to die.
It's being perpetually hungry
when all food is tasteless.
Hell is where I am -
it always follows suit.

31 October 2019.
Michelle Seyner.