The base are safely in the byre,
The sheep are al' but fed,
The Massey's parked in handbrake hill,
The collie's in its bed.
The bank man's had a visit
The money's been agreed,
The preparations al' in hand
The Station's been decreed.
The kitchen's had a refit,
The bathroom brand new taps,
The worn-out carpets been replaced,
The woman's been to the shaps.
The freezer's overflowing,
The larder's full of cake,
The kettle's had a polish,
The "street" has had a rake.
The welcome mat's been hoovered,
The doors have been replaced,
The fly-scoot's been wiped from the glass,
The house must not be disgraced.
The Sacred Heart's been straightened
The Beads are on a plate,
The Child of Prague is facing east,
The Lourdes Water stands aloof by window sait.
The toilet mats are matchin’
The bath has been well scrubbed,
The danglin’s string has been replaced
The mirror cabinet wiped and rubbed.
The Holy Father's chanting,
The front rooms filled and blessed,
The eyes of every devotee
The fittings prices have assessed.
The daughters called from far and near,
The people to attend,
The sandwhich tray is loaded high,
The men hay no need to fend.
The mait is of the finest cut
The tay is quare 'n' hot,
The big jam roll is good 'n' thick
The plunder hits the spot.
The men-folk tack of money,
The weemen tack of pains,
The hypochondriacs convention,
The varicose of veins.
The pressure's al' but lifted
The weans to home are calling,
The chance to luk at others mansions,
The next time the Stations falling.