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Its a long time since I did a French O-Level at school.
My spoken exam part didn't go too well.
I capture here the gist of my conversation at the time - I thought it was pretty impressive but alas the examiner, who collapsed into a heaving mess, banging his head off the table, begged me to stop.
Years later I worked two summers in France and discovered a complete new language to me. It was also called French, but curiously bore little resemblance to the one I was taught in.
I actually was quite good at the real one when I finished those summers, not that I can barely order "ducks coffees" now...!

Jay swiss nay a Ballymena

Fdf5205c-8b5b-4da8-a6dc-63fe28d680a9by Billy J. Stewart06 Mar 2014

Jay swiss nay a Ballymena.
Jay hhhhabit an mayson, dans la campanya, pray de set bell veel.
Jay joe o futball avek mays amees, dans lay champs,
Pray de un grand heap de merde, ay les vashes,
Kwen le solaya brill.
Jay lee lay livres com le Dandy ay le Beano,
Ay lay autres travails de Dostoevsky.
Jay em monjey le grand montanya de champ ay scallions pour ma deenay
Avec les grand onions, ay du gravy,
Ay du sassages.
Jay em bocup du sassages, avek la HP sass.
Pour may vaconse, jay va a le Port de Rush, dans the train,
Pour partaker de Frits ay poisson avec du sel ay van acre.
Mays amis va a la Costa Del Benidorm, grand place de hote culture,
May eels sont les jammy buggers.
Jay va a Barry’s Park de Amusement chak jore.
Jay parle bocup de franglais, may mal-her-use-ment
Eel nee a person kee me comprends,
Parse-kay
Jay swiss nay a Ballymena…