Read introduction

Ode to my narcissistic abuser.

Not My Problem Anymore

Img_0780by Sally Fisher01 Nov 2016

Being called crazy. Jealous. Boring.
Being home alone with you just ignoring,
Isolated from people, from gigs, from your friends
You expecting me to make my own entertainment at weekends,
Not feeling able to voice my concerns
Without getting the punishment which I clearly deserved,
You texting, flirting, meeting up with other girls
While I waited alone with my head in a whirl,
The financial abuse, its affect on my health
While I counted the pennies but you spent it all on yourself,
Being boring for taking the responsibility
Of taxes, bills, rent, gas and electricity,
(Well, someone had to do it- you didn't realise
What comes with a flat and all that implies).
The lies, so many lies, how many did you tell me
How long did it take me to finally see?
Never being made the priority,
Always seeming to butt in with your plans without me,
Arguments over tiny things like testing the smoke alarm
Because that's something boring people do, not because you have the longer arm,
(I'd have done it myself if I could reach,
Never asked you again- probably a safety breach).
I moved away from home, always missed my old friends
Lucky I got to move back in the end,
My thoughts and feelings were disregarded
Your face a mask, your true self was so guarded,
The pressure to do things I didn't want to
You know what I mean- pretty sure it's just you.
Laying in bed alone almost every night
Waiting for the door to open and the landing light,
Looking after the flat, the shopping, the cleaning,
Having to beg for help and to find some meaning,
Triangulation, need I say any more?
Crying alone on the living room floor,
Thinking I could fix you- guess I was a fool,
Working so hard to be all I could to you,
All the attempts to help were so unappreciated
I saved you from prison and still got berated,
Being talked about behind my back,
Almost believing I have problems or something that I lack,
The discard took too long while you secured a new supply,
And during that time all you did was lie.
But now I'm out, I'm alive and finally closed that door,
I'm safer here without you, not my problem any more.