I'm driving myself insane

i'm trying to write a happy poem

it's going to be nothing new

...

.

there's always the

i fantasize

about the large knife in my cupboard

am i bored?

i fantasize

about the art

you're no longer here
for me.

you say you are.

you lie because we do. because it's the kind

Feels like a heavy sadness and a deep need to hold him

It feels like we’ve lost

Your soft fingertips
in steady motion across the small
of my back

your breath against my neck,