chaos

Db4ea419-1e23-4495-8f91-854766b657cbby Jessica Hopkins14 Feb 2019

I am tired of feeling this need

to try

with you, with each of you
each day

I am tired of this shit
that feels like a futile effort to
create

a representation of how I truly feel,
how I want to feel?

why do I keep seeking this
melancholy, its state is like a drug
to me

because I am not happy being
happy. Content. Mild

in my demeanor and in my mind.

I want to feel volatile to myself - i
want to feel turmoil

i feel empty without it. There is no
joy
without chaos.