for a friend I lost

39944276-0c53-4486-8c88-5dcbca75e708by Jessica Hopkins04 Apr 2020

your smile, it radiates through time.

it trancends every bitter remark, every night spent crying,
waiting at my phone,

every little detail of the resentment, as it
built up slowly and
fatally.

your smile, that day,
that day

at the carousel. like i was something,
worth everything.

your laugh, your shy remarks,

your insistence on driving me home, each night
when I felt alone.

your smile, i now realize

was so much more, it was in itself,

the brokenness between us.

the unreciprocated love.

the pining and the falsehood, the layers of lies

and hope

and dependence -

that built up

and tore us apart, though we never were whole
to begin with.