to make this better

39944276-0c53-4486-8c88-5dcbca75e708by Jessica Hopkins10 Sep 2020

it's 4:44 and I've found myself in that state
again

the one where a specific slit in your chest
feels hollow

in a way you can't let go of,

heartbeat in sync
with the flicker of this spacebar,

echoing at the back of your skull in a silent lonely space.

no one's coming home to make this better
for you

no one's thinking of holding you or texting you

to make this better.

it's 4:48 and it's at the pit of my stomach now,
that slit.

like hunger or desperation or disappointment
because really it's

days stuck in bed and looking at your reflection
and wondering if you'll feel pretty again and finding satisfaction simply in changing your clothes and loathing your things and yourself until

it's 4:51 and you're writing in your notes app just to feel some form of achievement or some form of therapy.

to make this better.

you've failed