by Jessica Hopkins04 Nov 2020
every night before sleep i’ll daydream of my death,
an injury or emotional breakdown,
i daydream about my friend feeling for me, fearing for me, caring
in this extreme sense.
i think i must feel that it will validate my existence,
give me a sense of significance and importance because i seem to lack shape and substance and value in my own eyes
so i seek it entirely and desperately from others.
but i’m realizing that that’s a dead-end, it’s a fantasy. We all feel so alone so often because we are.
We think about ourselves more than anything and expect it to be different for others? For others to put me first instead of themselves?
You are most often not the priority.
stop escaping into the pleasure of daydreams,
into a fantasy that could maybe prove there is something genuine to be felt, there is genuine care out there for you
people love you but they don’t think about it
they don’t think about how much you need to feel it because they’re too busy trying to feel it themselves
and that’s you as well.