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I dedicate this poem to my younger self who was seeking a way to feel something...anything...

They Won't Like This

Sp_regby Soulistic_Poet®12 Jan 2014

As I write this
I already know they won’t like this
But tonight
I write for me…

Tonight
My pen is the blade
The ink is my blood
And well
My paper is my skin
And I plan to write
And write
And write
Until I reach the pain deep within

Tonight
It is my plan
To write till my hand breaks
Write until my world shakes
And my soul is no longer
At its’ own wake

Tonight
I’m gonna write till I run out of ink
Till my blood mixes with my tears
And I’m drowning in liquid that’s light pink
Write until I have nothing left
And my words are washed down the sink
And my hopes are left on my arm
In plain print

See
I know they don’t like when I talk this way
When I talk about blades like it’s child’s play
But tonight I say fuck what they say
I’m gonna write my shit my way
And tomorrow I will hope and pray
They love me enough to stay

And if they don’t
Oh well
I find bliss
In this
My hell
I love that they don’t understand
I love that I refuse to tell
This love affair with my blade
Is my safety cell
This is the only place I can go
And life is all well
I find joy in our relationship
It feels good that others don’t get this shit
That way they won’t interfere with it
And our love will remain pure until I decide to quit

It’s the only thing that won’t leave me
It literally bleeds me
It’s the only love that needs me
And it makes me happy that it breathes me
Because no one loves me like my blade loves me
It’s the only love that believes me
When I say I don’t want to die
I just don’t want to be me

7/30/12
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