Bleeding Ego

Sp_regby Soulistic_Poet®02 Feb 2014

I foolishly liquefied my ego
And poured it into my pen
Hoping with each stoke
My ego will breathe free again…

Admittedly
My self-image
Is often an image
I rather not place in a frame
I don’t think
My eyes can manage
Attempts to beautify my pain
It would be sinister
And sinful
To glorify my shame
So I prefer to keep my walls bare
I display no pictorial stains

Regretfully
I cannot lie
My self-worth is worthless
I keep praying for resurrection
Thinking
It would make the persecution hurt less
Hoping the cuts
From their sharp tongues
Leave no scars and somehow heal perfect
But at this point in time
The wounds are deep
And they leave my soul’s poem wordless

Unexpectedly
I permitted
My self-confidence to die
And I suspect
This is the first time in history
Someone’s survived successful suicide
Since I was the only one
To take my truths
And suffocate them with ‘their’ lies
It was me who took
Unwarranted guilt
And slowly murdered my pride
It was solely I
That drank the poison
The world served me throuhout my life

Honestly
I confess to thee
I only find self-respect at the tip of my pen
I tend to only believe in myself
When my pen leaks out confidence
So whenever my ego gets bruised
I stroke it
At my pen’s expense
I write
And expose my pen’s demons
For few measly compliments
Only to realize
I’m foolishly liquefying my ego
Because I’m pouring it into a broken pen
And stroking
Only leads to
My ego bleeding to death, yet again

1/31/14

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