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This poem, based on a tic by Jessica Thom (aka Touretteshero), is indicative of my usual style and subject matter; a tongue-in-cheek observation of parenting/teaching.

Bang your head on the womb

Imageby Ron Barton21 Jan 2014

There are a number of factors that must be considered
before your diagnosis can be confirmed
but, barring any unforeseen circumstance,
I am fairly confident
that you might require medication
to modify your behaviour.

I must ask,
where you hyperactive pre-birth?
Did you bang your head on the womb while you waited to be welcomed into this world?
Did you wriggle and kick and punch
as a means to entertain yourself?

What about post-birth?
As a young child were you easily distracted?
Would the room be littered with toys as if a tiny, toddler tornado had torn through it?

Your responses point towards a positive diagnosis
and I thank you for your frankness.
Might I also ask about your parents?

How often did you hear the word ‘no’ uttered from their mouths?
How often would you get whatever you requested?
Conversely, how often would they require you to sit and stay, read and play?
How often would they actively engage in your everyday activities?

Yes, yes. It’s clear to me now.
I’m sorry to say but you suffer from an
Appropriate Discipline Deficiency
brought about by parents who raised you in an
Attention Deprived HouseholD.
You do not need medication,
you need a smack
and some boundaries
and a lot less cotton wool.