Listen mate!...So you're going grey
And everyone wants to copy your locks,
What about yours truly,

It's headlined as five hundred
Or a thousand 'conquests'
That silly, famous males boast about,
In

Just in case you fancied a squint
I've added a tint
To my car windows.
Only the rear ones,
After

A tiny poem rests here,
it died before its birth,
fallen ill at the first syllable
it passed on

Oscar was the greatest poet,
at least that's what I think,
for he was álways out of line
and

Get it down quick
It doesn't matter if you're sick
Be one of the lads
And please don't fret
If

Honest! If I could afford
A thoroughbred horse
I'd let Charlie train it, of course
And if I were

I'm told the main attributes required
Are to be vain and insatiably greedy
So I reckon I have the

The Sales Conference went like a dream
My closing speech
Was a peach
Enthused everyone in my

Everything’s got a soul you know.
The animals and birds,
the rocks, the rivers, flowers and

In wardrobes, ties hang like curing fish, patterns like smoke. (In restaurants, avoid kippers and

The driver’s the biggest fucker
I’ve seen in all my life
- Michelin Man incarnate, lagged in

Alarm sounds

I wake

I'm hopelessly in love, oh hopelessly so

I love the smell of my morning

So first they wanted to honour
The honourful women of the East End
But then they came to think to